Many of us often try hard to meet the expectations of our family members, especially our parents, no matter how high their expectations may be, to avoid disappointing them. But what if you've done your best and yet they decide to start calling names and denying you of any inheritance in the future (even though you didn't ask for any money).
This was what happened to a NSF who made an anonymous confession to NUSWhisper's page.
The NSF was posted to be a logistics quartermaster and will be going through his specialist graduation parade soon. However, the parents were utterly disappointed with him for not getting into what they term as "hero" vocations.
The four hero vocations are:
Guards,
Commandos,
Officer Cadet School - OCS (Not really a vocation but status symbol nonetheless) and
Naval Diving Unit
The NSF was called a "Gu niang" (sissy, girly) and was not given any of the emotional support which he was given before he got his vocation. The parents even greet him with hostility when he gets home from a day in camp. His parents have also been asking him to lie about his vocation at family gatherings to not bring embarrassment to the family as he is not living up to the standards to the family.
The NSF also mentioned that the parents once said that he would not be getting any inheritance in the future
"because a “姑娘” does not need money as she is not the breadwinner of the family. "
even though he has never asked nor pried about money and the family inheritance, which broke the NSF's heart.
He ended the post saying that his parents will not be attending his specialist graduation parade and that they really broke his hearts. He urged other future parents to not do this to their children.
Are the parents being fair to him? As far as we know, we don't even get to choose our vocations in the army.
You can read his full post here:
Hi everyone, I’m currently serving NS but I’ve been accepted to NUS so i hope it’s okay if i post my experience on toxic masculinity here. (Don’t worry it’s not an army-bashing post)
My parents, like most love me very much. They would always check up on my studies, ask if i need money when going out and gave their 110% to support me when enlisting (i.e calling me at night, picking me up from Pasir Ris, buying me snacks for the week). However, they had a shortcoming which only manifested itself after i POP-ed - Elitism.
I didn’t perform very well for my BMT which meant that i got a posting in a non-combat vocation, specifically a logistics quartermaster. So incase you weren’t aware, there are the 4 perceived “Hero” vocations that are seen as the most elite in the eyes of my parents - Guards, CDO, OCS(Not rly a vocation but status symbol nonetheless , NDU). When my parents were always going on about how I have to go to a “Hero” vocation and were absolutely crestfallen when they had heard about my posting. Connections were called and requests were written to various places (All behind my back).
And when those efforts proved fruitless, it was when i realised how toxic they could be when it came to my masculinity. I was berated for being in a 姑娘 vocation which was meant for “useless” people. They encouraged me to lie during family gatherings to avoid embarrassment. I had stopped receiving emotional support from them (Calls, rides, a simple “how was your day”). On days were i had offs or half days, i would be greeted with a “why are you home so early” rather than a welcome home. They would compare me with my cousins and ask why I was not able to live up to the standards of the family.
One time they said that i would not get any inheritance from them because a “姑娘” does not need money as she is not the breadwinner of the family. That last one really hit close to home as i have never, nor will i ever ask and pry about money let alone family inheritance so for them to think that I was eyeing their money was really heartbreaking to me.
They recently informed me that they won’t be attending my specialist graduation parade which was really what drove me to craft this post. Mum, Dad I love you both and should the time come, I would die for you. Is that not enough to constitute what a “man” should be.
Anyway I’m not here to ask for advice, I’m dealing with it on my own. I just wanted to let future parents know what I’m going through and should you have a son in the near future, I hope you guys won’t adopt the same mindset as my parents. It really hurts.
